Mama saw that I-gotta-have-it look in Sister’s eyes. She took her aside and reminded her about all the wonderful presents she had gotten on her last birthday. But Sister didn’t hear a word Mama said. She just stared at that big, beautiful bike with the hand brake and the super-sport wheels. “Oh, dear,” said Mama. “I think you’ve been taken over by the green-eyed monster.”
~ The Berenstain Bears and the Green-Eyed Monster
I have this sense of longing
Hunger?
Yearning?
Grasping?
I miss the time with the girls
The lazy time in Maine that felt like it wasn’t going to end
Or at least not imminently
The glorious illusion of infinity
The waking up together
The knowing that we have a whole other day
And then another and another
To be together
To just be
To do
Whatever – anything – nothing – everything
To not be apart
Wrenchingly apart
I love that everyone has their daytime lives
Darby has her wonderful day camp and ice skating and the kinetic, beautiful energy of being Darby
Kendall is back to the blessed routine of school and all of the people who adore and nurture and most importantly TEACH her
And Matt has the formidable business of running the house and managing our lives, being father (and sometime stand-in mother) and teacher and husband (and fill-in wife) and doing so much more than I am capable of giving him credit for
And I leave at 6:30 and I know I know that I miss far less than I think I do
But I miss them
And then I come home and I spend the short time left in the day trying too hard to squeeze it all in
To find them again
I crouch and wait and let Kendall come to me
While I want to swallow her whole
And I miss them still
I beg Darby for the morsels of her day, her experience, her
And I get cranky and short with them
And it kills me
And I put them to bed still missing them
Missing them more
Darby sits right next to me and says, ‘I need you’
I didn’t always understand what that means
I’d say, ‘I’m right here’ as if it were enough
But now I do
Now I say, ‘I need you too, baby’
I’m glad that we all can do what we do
I know full well that the grass is always greener on the other side
But every once in a while it looks as lush as a damn rain forest
Sigh. I can see why it looks like a lush damn rain forest. Holding you in my thoughts….
Comment by karla — July 9, 2008 @ 11:37 am |
I can so idenyify with you, especially because punkin goes to a residential school. When she leaves for school I be really wanting a break but then i find myself just missing her.
Comment by paulette — July 9, 2008 @ 3:27 pm |
Beautiful Jess! What a great reminder for someone who’s had “too much togetherness” as of late.
Thank you for your kind comments on my blog today. I really appreciate it.
Comment by Michelle O'Neil — July 10, 2008 @ 6:10 pm |
I am home with my kids on a temp basis, and the last 2 weeks of break from school I had hoped would leave me with a sense that I been drowning in my son. I wanted to do all these “things”, let him lounge, relax, and enjoy. Instead it was 2 weeks of dysregulation, tantrums, anxiety, and craving the security of a consistent school schedule. We are 4 days back, and he still isn’t settled. I am glad you reveled in your time with the girls, I used to wear shoes like yours. You should be proud of yourself about what a great role model you are for both of your daughters!
Comment by Megs — July 10, 2008 @ 7:58 pm |